HABITS

What are habits?

Habits can be defined as the place where three key aspects intersect. Where knowledge (what to do), skill (how to do it), and desire (the want to do it) all coincide is where a habit is formed. In order to have knowledge, skill, and desire we must obtain a sequential order of growth, both physically and emotionally. All humans start out helpless and dependent. Then we learn by milestones and hopefully, we attain independence physically, emotionally, and cognitively. Once we have achieved independence successfully we are ready to work towards interdependence. Interdependence, or the ability to work synergistically with another person, only comes if both people are independent emotionally, and cognitively. A person needs to be able to think for themselves and be confident in decision making or they will become dependent on the people they are around to make decisions for them. They need to be independent emotionally or their happiness and despair will be based upon the emotional whims of whomever they are with rather than their own unique expressions.

Road map of mind

Paradigm Shifts People's perceptions are based on paradigms. Paradigms are mental road maps of personal and public social situations. They are based on principles and natural laws that have shaped our lives since the dawn of time. Epiphanies come from paradigm shifts. A sudden massive change in perception leads us to experience a situation (or the world) in a whole new light. Covey uses the example of his own paradigm shift. Covey was on a bus and the ride was quite peaceful until a man and his three unruly children boarded. The kids were being rude, loud, and taking people's possessions while the dad stared obliviously off into space. Covey confronted the man asking him if he planned to do anything about his children's ill behaviors. The man replied, "Oh, I guess I should... We just came from the hospital where my wife died. I guess I don't know what to do. I don't think they do either." At that time a massive Paradigm shift happened for Stephen Covey. His perception was that this man was just a negligent father who didn't care what his wild children were doing. But the reality (regardless of Covey's beliefs) was that the man was in shock and so were his kids from losing a critical person in their life. Covey instantly felt embarrassed and switched from wanting to lecture the man on proper parenting to wanting to heal and help this man and his children. 

End Goal

Begin With the End in Mind Being with the end in mind. How do you know where you're going if you don't give some thought as to where you want to be? You don't plan a drive from California to New York without checking out some maps. Or perhaps you do and it's a habit you need to change in order to increase productivity and effectiveness. 

If think about where you want to be in life then you can figure out where you are now and how far you are from your goals. You can also determine what is in your Circle of Influence that you can affect in order to get to the goal. This is the beginning of "All Things Created Twice" first we think of what we want and then we make it happen. The fırst creation is in our minds, then we create it in reality. Using the end goal to envision our life lets us begin the planning process for creating it in real-time. 

self-awareness

Proactive Vs. Reactive Proactive people who have self-awareness, initiative, and resources understand their limits. They understand that every event in their life is in either their circle of influence (aspects of life that are controllable) or in their circle of concern (aspects of life that are not controllable or past decisions and consequences). Each even is either Direct, Indirect, or No Control which means that the problems directly involve our own behavior, indirectly involve us because they are other people's behavior causing issues, or problems we have no control over. Proactive people accept the no-control problems rather than wasting their energy on them and trying to exert control where there is none. Reactive people will waste time and continue to impale themselves upon the regrets of past decisions and the variables to which no one has the ability to change. A growth opportunity arises when we choose to change our response. If we change how we respond (remember self-awareness, independent will, and response-ability) then we can affect our circles of circumstance.

Think Win/Win 

There are six paradigms of human interaction. Win/Win- mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/Lose- deeply scripted, comparison, and competition, someone must win, and therefore someone must lose. Lose/Win- worse than win/ lose, low self-esteem, weak position, subjugating yourself for other's happiness and advancement. The ideal situation to be in is the Win/win and when you work from a large circle of influence you can affect win/win most of the time. Or at least win/win or no deal. These positions come from the origin of the first three habits and having built that center of principles and honed your effectiveness you can work win/win situations frequently. What makes a Win/Win situation feasible? Character, Relationships, Agreements (personal and professional), Win/Win Management Training, Systems, and Processes. Let's break it down briefly, and I say briefly because we have covered all you need to be effective in Win/Win in the first three chapters. This is a public victory this is performing for the world the skills you've honed.

Synergize 

Everything working together in harmony and symbiotically is synergy. It's the energy that is created when organisms work together on a fundamental level that propels them upward and onward to greatness. There is Synergy in communication, Synergy in the classroom, and Synergy in the organization. These three main areas of synergy are all based on interdependent relationships. Thinking of synergistic communication we need to think about people coming together, and rather than working to put the end in mind they already have the end in mind. Then they just begin spinning off and talking and bouncing ideas off of one another and building off of each other until this great collaborative energy, Synergy, happens and the most remarkable Solutions come forth. Part of synergy is valuing the differences in people and understanding that being different often brings levels of creativity and education that you cannot create on your own. But understanding that their difference is to your advantage and your difference is to their advantage and that energy creates an opportunity to employ it.

Take Initiative 

Independent will and the freedom to choose our response is nearly the definition of what it means to be proactive. Proactive is having responsibility- we have response ability- meaning we can choose how we respond. How we respond is either proactive or reactive. We either let things happen to us and then blame everyone for what is going on, which is reactive. Reactive people tend to have self-fulfilling prophecies. They speak negativity into existence by having deterministic attitudes and being acted upon. Proactive people engage self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will and take responsibility for their lives. Taking initiative and using the resources at hand are two important aspects of being Proactive. That is it takes a positive attitude and realistic outlook to initiate the changes that need to be made. Positive attitudes go a long way toward persevering on a new path. On the new path is the understanding that there are aspects of our life we can control, which is our circle of influence and there are areas of our lives that impact us but we can do nothing to change which is our circle of concern.

This summaries have been taken from the book 7 Habits of High Effective People

By - Stephen R. Covey